My name is Waymatea.
I was born Janaya Lee Falconer.
I have lived my life as Janaya Lee Ellis. I love my name. I love how it sounds on the lips of those I trust.
Many names have been mine.
Janay
Je-nay
Sista J
Souljah Fyah
There are more….
Brownin’
Red Gal
Goldilocks
Zealous Ellis
When I was growing, I was nicknamed after fruit, the blackface who made table syrup a down-home feeling, a Greek Monster.
My favorite of all is when my Auntie Judith calls me
Jin Jin
Oh yes and Alex, thank you for blessing me with Auntie Naya. It will live forever.
My friends call me J.
Except Marlon. He calls me Janaya, and he sounds like there is a reason. I like that.
Oh and my absolute best friend Kristi. When she says Janaya, she sounds like her mom. And that makes me laugh uncontrollably. Or cry.
Mr. Kovacs was the only one allowed to call me Ja-ni-ah.
When I was a child I put my initials together and called myself Jelly!
Each name has a phase of life woven within.
Last year I came to the awareness that I was a split person.
I was Teacher Janaya, Singer Janaya, Loud Party Janaya, Hermit Janaya, Massage Therapist Janaya, Shamanic Janaya, Mom Janaya, Wife Janaya, Motivator Janaya, Crazy lovin’ the 80’s music screamin’ naked down the street Janaya, Sister and Friend Janaya. I have been Banker Janaya, Garbage sorter Janaya, Submarine sandwich making Janaya, Hangers the Fashion Warehouse Janaya, Waitress Janaya, Stop me on the street I want to have a random deep conversation Janaya, Do NOT talk to me at ALL Janaya, Travel by Greyhound just to see the land from Edmonton to Tampa Janaya, Abused Janaya, Depressed Janaya, Exhilarated Janaya, Can’t turn this damn fire-hose off Janaya, Peacemaker Janaya, Bald Janaya, Dreadie Janaya, Jheri curl Janaya, Did you seriously just cut my hair into an upside-down staircase Janaya, Afro puff Janaya, Should I just let the grey grow in Janaya, Hell no dye it purple Janaya, Classical piano playing Janaya, Background vocals only Janaya, Actually just lip-sync I have the whole thing programmed Janaya, Fierce defender of my sisters Janaya, Shoving some girl’s glasses when I’m cornered in a bathroom Janaya, Vegan Janaya, Vegetarian Janaya, Fish-itarian Janaya, Frightened Janaya, Overwhelmed Janaya, Heart broken and there is no hope for recovery Janaya, Did you Seriously just lie to my face Janaya, Can’t stop screaming I am so effin’ mad Janaya…..
I can morph from Janaya A to Janaya B. It becomes a challenge when you are with someone who knows you as Janaya A, and you run into someone who knows you as Janaya B.
Icky Sticky Blood and Guts.
When my life re-birthed I wanted to be consistent, rooted, sure. I am embarking on a new, purposeful phase. I am becoming ONE. I owe it to my friends who sacrificed their lives so that I might grow. I want to grow, and I am ready to step into these shoes that don’t quite feel like mine yet.
I asked for help. I want to become one person. I want to walk in integrity. I want to be One. Of one mind, one heart… just like I said. I want to be One person. I need your help.
The answer came.
This was many months ago, and the one who hesitated was the I still care deeply about what people think and I am still afraid of judgement Janaya.
She has gracefully stepped aside.
My name is Waymatea.
And here we begin.
