Waking the Tiger

This is a fascinating book about some of the effects of trauma, and how we can heal.  I have witnessed the truth of how our bodies deal with trauma.  This writing reminds us that we are so connected with the animal kingdom (queendom).  I wonder how many of us walk this earth with trauma undiagnosed.  We gain tools for coping and it becomes normal for us to function at a fraction of our capacity.  What if we could function at full throttle?  Then what would our world look like?

My name is Waymatea

My name is Waymatea.

I was born Janaya Lee Falconer. 

I have lived my life as Janaya Lee Ellis.  I love my name.  I love how it sounds on the lips of those I trust. 

Many names have been mine.

Janay

Je-nay

Sista J

Souljah Fyah

There are more….

Brownin’

Red Gal

Goldilocks

Zealous Ellis

When I was growing, I was nicknamed after fruit, the blackface who made table syrup a down-home feeling, a Greek Monster.  

My favorite of all is when my Auntie Judith calls me

Jin Jin

Oh yes and Alex, thank you for blessing me with Auntie Naya.  It will live forever.  

My friends call me J.

Except Marlon.  He calls me Janaya, and he sounds like there is a reason.  I like that. 

Oh and my absolute best friend Kristi.  When she says Janaya, she sounds like her mom.  And that makes me laugh uncontrollably.  Or cry. 

Mr. Kovacs was the only one allowed to call me Ja-ni-ah.

When I was a child I put my initials together and called myself Jelly!

Each name has a phase of life woven within.

Last year I came to the awareness that I was a split person. 

I was Teacher Janaya, Singer Janaya, Loud Party Janaya, Hermit Janaya, Massage Therapist Janaya, Shamanic Janaya, Mom Janaya, Wife Janaya, Motivator Janaya, Crazy lovin’ the 80’s music screamin’ naked down the street Janaya, Sister and Friend Janaya.  I have been Banker Janaya, Garbage sorter Janaya, Submarine sandwich making Janaya, Hangers the Fashion Warehouse Janaya, Waitress Janaya, Stop me on the street I want to have a random deep conversation Janaya, Do NOT talk to me at ALL Janaya, Travel by Greyhound just to see the land from Edmonton to Tampa Janaya, Abused Janaya, Depressed Janaya, Exhilarated Janaya, Can’t turn this damn fire-hose off Janaya, Peacemaker Janaya, Bald Janaya, Dreadie Janaya, Jheri curl Janaya, Did you seriously just cut my hair into an upside-down staircase Janaya, Afro puff Janaya, Should I just let the grey grow in Janaya, Hell no dye it purple Janaya, Classical piano playing Janaya, Background vocals only Janaya, Actually just lip-sync I have the whole thing programmed Janaya, Fierce defender of my sisters Janaya, Shoving some girl’s glasses when I’m cornered in a bathroom Janaya, Vegan Janaya, Vegetarian Janaya, Fish-itarian Janaya, Frightened Janaya, Overwhelmed Janaya, Heart broken and there is no hope for recovery Janaya, Did you Seriously just lie to my face Janaya, Can’t stop screaming I am so effin’ mad Janaya…..

I can morph from Janaya A to Janaya B.  It becomes a challenge when you are with someone who knows you as Janaya A, and you run into someone who knows you as Janaya B.  

Icky Sticky Blood and Guts.  

When my life re-birthed I wanted to be consistent, rooted, sure.  I am embarking on a new, purposeful phase.  I am becoming ONE.  I owe it to my friends who sacrificed their lives so that I might grow.  I want to grow, and I am ready to step into these shoes that don’t quite feel like mine yet. 

I asked for help.  I want to become one person.  I want to walk in integrity.  I want to be One.  Of one mind, one heart… just like I said.  I want to be One person.  I need your help.

The answer came.  

This was many months ago, and the one who hesitated was the I still care deeply about what people think and I am still afraid of judgement Janaya.  

She has gracefully stepped aside.  

My name is Waymatea. 

And here we begin. 

Time of Your Life

After watching some more Anthony Robbins DVD's, I am certain that I need to leverage some of my tasks these days.  Talking with Nathan Richards of the Open Sky Music Festival has convinced me of that even more.  I have a LOT of things I want to accomplish in the next six months.  I feel like my life has gone on speed, and I just better hang on and enjoy the ride.  The Ministry training, the Shamanic training, new baby in the family, unconditional parenting 101, SJF, and managing every day life seems like a lot sometimes.  But I have this little voice in my head that keeps telling me that I am in it for a deeper reason, so just keep going!  Learn more, be more, love more, act more.  Open more!

For today, I will do my best.

Blessed day

Creator I give thanks for breath of life today.

This ain't no nine to five

Sometimes I stay up until 3 am doing things I don't find time to do in the daytime.  Last night was such a night.  I have loads of ideas these days, and I am plugged into Mr Tony Robbins, who can fuel the fire under anyone's butt to get a move on and get crackin'!  So after a day of amazing flood restoration crew/garage door crew/city gas line crew all in our house all day, (these are the people in your neighbourhood), I tucked the babes into bed and began my office time.  Hubby snored and babes slumbered while I registered new domain names, checked out web hosting reviews, and ... blogged.

I have a new Tony Robbins RPM planner that will regulate my time spent and the fulfilling nature of such spent time.  Right now I am off to be Amazing Mamabear!  So more later.

This month's reading for my ministry program is

It is interesting that each month's reading seems to bring a challenge specific to the lesson. Creator is beautiful and gives opportunity for growth always. But it can be tough sometimes! Just for today, I will be immaculate with my word. Just for today I will not make assumptions. Just for today I will not take things personally. And just for today I will do my best.

Well I have to say I wish the JUNOs would have awarded Drake with at least one nod.